Herewith an excerpt from a genuine piece of local dialogue.  I mean, why would I make this stuff up?

The scene: a suburban café; Benedict Ambrose attempting to order his breakfast.

BA:  A black filter coffee and a bacon roll, please. 

Waitress:  Mug or a cup?

BA:  A mug, please.

W:  A white or a brown?

BA:  Oh, er… What’s the difference?

W:  Em, one’s white, one’s brown… eh…

BA:  The mugs… ?

W:  No, the rolls.

BA:  Oh, sorry, I thought you meant… A-heh-heh.  Er, white.  Please.

Oh, the banter!