With all due apologies: Lector, si explicatum requiris, circumspice.

"A giant spaceship from the planet Crap"

Come global warming (“Whaur’s it cald?”)*
To bleak, concretey Cumbernauld:
It’s car-parks, “centres”, subways scald
Until they crack.

Glenrothes, Irvine, Livingston
And East Kilbride have thee outshone,
Thou foulest bum-plook e’en upon
North Lanarkshire.

Fair Cumbernauld’s best boast of all?
The realm’s first ever shopping mall.
Shrink-wrapped, deep-fried, deep-frozen gall:
Joys-R-Not-Us.

May UV rays confound the ned
Whose vile addictions must be fed
By theft and fights and daytime bed.
And Buckfast wine.

So let the scorching sun and wind
Put right the planners’ work, who sinned
When they their blueprints never binned:
To dust return.

*”What’s it called? Cumbernauld!” was the slogan used in a publicity campaign for the town.

 

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