I have been sent the following from that most satirical of Scottish orders, the Ninja Carthusians of Achiltibuie. I can only imagine they intend it to be sung to the best tune ever to grace the words of “The race that long in darkness pined” — Dundee. I hope it is clear that I can, of course, take no responsibility whatsoever for it, or its effects… [Clears throat awkwardly]
The rite that long in darkness pined
Hath burst back into light;
“Laus Deo!” shout the folk who felt
The Nervous Ordo’s blight.
To Cath-o-lic Westminster’s throne
Came Castrillon from Rome,
The joyous throngs their left knees bowed –
But Cormac stayed at home.
When Father Finigan the brow
With golden mitre, Trad hearts leaped
But how the liberals frowned.
The tidings that the Card’nal brought
From Rome made manifest
The Pontiff’s will: that with this Rite
All parishes be blest.
Questions from Damian Thompson made
The Sandalistas sting.
The “Bitter Pills” did swallow hard,
Each “prophet, priest and king”!
So let us Alleluia sing,
Our praise to Christ uplift;
And to His Vicar, thanks for this
*Technically, Fr F was removing the mitre, but… Hymnodic license, innit?
Photo courtesy of Mr Quaintance